The 5 R’s of Family Change: Transitioning between together and apart
Nora Rhoades,
Family and Youth Development Agent
Many people believe staying connected is essential for family
togetherness. One major obstacle to maintaining connection can be distance.
Families can be separated for any number of reasons, sometimes related to jobs,
the result of family circumstance or due to military careers. Long-distance
relationships can occur over a few days, months or even years. For some,
distance can become part of one’s family structure, and for others it is a new
experience.
Work on maintaining relationship satisfaction. While distance can
be a challenge, each person can feel nurtured and satisfied during times of
separation. Strong relationships are built on trust and security. Maintaining
open communication about the five R’s of family change can help ease the
transition between ‘together’ and ‘apart’. Listen and pay attention to what
each family member is saying.
Roles
refer to household and family responsibilities. How do jobs and
responsibilities change when one person is away? What roles will be easiest to
adapt to and what roles will be more challenging? What roles will not be filled
until the family member returns? How do roles change when the distant person
returns?
Rules
are defined by what is expected of each family member, including responsibilities
and boundaries. Some family rules are detailed and clearly stated. Other rules
are implied and part of family norms. Do rules stay the same during times of
separation? Will the family add new rules or dismiss rules during time apart?
Do family rules become more lenient or stricter?
Relationships
refer to the bonds, connections and responsibilities within a family. During
geographical separation, the bonds may be defined differently than during times
of togetherness. How will relationships with relatives, friends or family
change? What are the expectations of each family member? Who is responsible for
keeping connections strong during times of long-distance?
Routines
include daily activities that keep the family functioning. With a family member
miles away, certain aspects of family routines will need to change. What daily
routines will be most affected by the distance? What daily routines will be
least affected? Will there be any adjustments or new routines to complement or
replace routines during family togetherness?
Recreation,
special events and celebrations will also be affected when family members are
separated by physical distance. Mapping out a plan for these special family
events is important to keep connected with those who are apart. Does the family
continue to celebrate events during separation? How will the distant family
member be included? Are special events postponed until the family is reunited?
For
more information about this topic, contact Nora Rhoades, Post Rock District Family
and Youth Development Agent, at nrhoades@ksu.edu or 785-346-2521. Stay
connected with “Post Rock Extension” on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and
YouTube. Our website is www.postrock.ksu.edu.
Sources: Loving Long-Distance: Families Separated by Distance by
K-State Research and Extension; Parenting Alone Together...How Does Our
Family Change? by Mary Dooley Burns;
Making the Connection: Building Long-Distance Relationships
by North Dakota Extension Services
