Keep the "You" in your Relationship
When two people form a relationship, three identities exist. The relationship itself will develop an identity; with each individual maintaining his/her own identity as well. Especially at the beginning of a relationship, individuals ‘merge’ as the relationship’s identity is shaped. This can be an enjoyable experience that involves learning, compromising, and uniting. Think of a relationship in your life and how exciting it was to discover your connections and build a joint identity. It was an opportunity to learn about each other's strengths, weaknesses, experiences, interests, and future plans. Due to your attraction toward the bond provided by the relationship, you may have felt a desire to ‘merge’ your individual identity, conforming to your counterpart for the sake of building a stronger identity as a couple.
At some point, this ‘merging’ process may become overwhelming and exhausting. You may begin to experience a loss of self and feel like you are being taken for granted. When making a commitment to a relationship, an essential component is having a willingness to ‘merge’. You’ll want to find common ground in order to get through the chaos we call life. Finding common ground doesn’t mean you have to conform, it means you have to thrive in an environment of open communication. Open communication is the free exchange of ideas and objections. You should feel comfortable sharing your thoughts, ideas, dreams, and goals. It is impossible for both parties to always agree on everything, but having the openness to share and listen will promote understanding, negotiation, and compromise. ‘Merging’ is part of building a relationship, but it becomes most valuable when balanced with the unique identity of each person.
So, what does this mean? It means that it is okay to enjoy going to the gym alone, or having a regularly scheduled lunch with a childhood friend. You don’t have to give up your love of a spontaneous road trip when your partner begs for an itinerary. It is okay to enjoy hunting instead of basketball, or to enjoy date night at a concert instead of a five-star restaurant. It doesn’t even break relationship rules if you have different strategies for washing dishes, managing money, or commuting to work. What matters is that both parties are committed to the emotional, social, physical, and spiritual wellness of each other as individuals and as a couple.
There is no magical formula that results in a perfect relationship. It is an ongoing process, but with a positive attitude you can explore yourself and your relationship’s needs throughout life’s diverse experiences. Unique individuals are the foundation of any relationship because happy and healthy individuals are increasingly capable of encouraging, supporting, and enjoying the relationship with a special someone.
To learn more about maintaining a healthy relationship checkout Why Good Health Matters in Relationships, a tip sheet made available by the National Resource Center for Healthy Marriage & Families.
http://tinyurl.com/why-good-health-matters-p
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