Slowing Down

by Kathy Lupfer Nielsen, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent

 

Mom has always been one of those people that can multi-task in many directions. After all she did have four children, live on a farm and volunteered for numerous activities. So now that she is 81, soon to be 82, my siblings and I find it unbelievable that it is such a big deal to help with my father’s chemo care as well as cooking a few decent meals for him. After all, she used to come up to Lincoln County to “help” me when I was helping with community events at our church or hall and so why is this so difficult now?

I’ll tell you why, and my brain is 21 years younger than hers. It’s because as women and being caregivers most all of our lives, we get tired. Tired of having to remember what all our children are allergic too, what our husband’s social security number is, what day our neighbor works so that we know when to call her for cookies for a funeral luncheon and so on? I mean really, how much trivial knowledge are we supposed to remember our entire lives. And like our children or husbands could remember much about our lives…I doubt it.

So how can we help ourselves when we find that we can’t remember as well as we used to? Write it down. Got a big family dinner coming up? Write down the menu and who has volunteered to bring what. (I’m just hoping to live long enough that my children will volunteer.)

Keep track of appointments and events on some type of calendar…not two or three different calendars…ONE calendar and then train the husband to write his appointments on that calendar too. (I keep hoping that someday my husband will do this.) I am noticing that while I have a home calendar and work calendar that I often forget to mark events on both calendars…so maybe I need to follow the advice of one calendar.

Important doctor’s appointments and you have trouble hearing everything that the doctor is telling both of you? Ask for a written report or the lab results. That is their job to provide that type of information no matter what the handicap.

Volunteer jobs that you can no longer keep up with? What about saying no to some of those jobs? Think about the ones that really mean the most to you and your life as it currently is and say no to some of the rest of them. You know if the FCE group can’t find another volunteer to serve on the Homemaker’s Council or nobody in your community will be on the Extension Council board, let it go. Surely someone else will step up to the plate. After 50 years, you’ve done your time.

Can’t keep up with your house cleaning like you’d like to? Find someone to help you once a week or every two weeks. Maybe you have a grandchild that could help you out for a little extra cash or a neighbor kid? I mean how much dust can two people make anyway and besides if someone says something about your house, give them a Swiffer and ask for their help.

Life is more than a dusty house or a floor than needs to be mopped. Sit down and rest and read a book that you enjoy. I don’t think others that enjoy visiting with you will really care. Nor do I think that any of this matters for stars in your crown if you get my drift.

And remember, take care of yourself as the caregiver. If you are a tad bit stressed, maybe you could use an anti-anxiety med to take the edge off. And when a friend suggests that, don’t take their head off, as that too could be a sign. Just saying.