Caregiving on the Home Front
by Kathy Lupfer-Nielsen, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent
My 82 year old Dad, not unlike other Kansas farmers, continues to enjoy his cattle and his crops. However after a bout of appendical (appendix) cancer in ’09 and taking chemo pills, I think my family was like, okay this cancer deal is over and it’s worked out…he’s doing okay and still working on the farm like he enjoys. So all was good or so we thought.
Like other cancer survivors, sometimes cancer comes back to bite you in the butt…or in his case, the intestines. So while he had been dealing with c-diff (look that one up all of you that have family and friends this age) he suddenly found himself back into the hospital for intestinal surgery. Crisis time and we, my siblings and I, fall back into caregiver mode like in ’09. Only this time, I’m trying to pay more attention.
First of all, in ’09, I thought it was colon cancer he was dealing with…when I looked up appendical (appendix) cancer this time, I found out it was an extremely rare form of cancer and if it is malignant, like my dad’s was and currently is, life expectancy can be five years or so. Caregivers, especially one’s at a distance can become a resource person for keeping up to date with the disease and new treatments. I need to pay better attention.
I need to also have a list of his history in a notebook. He could tell the doctors his history but I don’t think my mother could at this point. So all caregivers need to know details, not just the women.
Also, in searching out information on this type of cancer and abdominal surgery, I found out that it is common for the elder’s gut to be slow in getting back on track…in other words, slow to wake up. So I tried to take deep breaths when we just keep hearing from the surgeon, “Oh, it’ll start working again soon.” And sure enough it did. So after 18 days in the Garden City Hospital, he finally made it back to the farm.
What have I learned this time around? My sister-in-law is a peach of a person, very kind to my parents, but when she says, “Your mother will need some support” this means it’s all getting to her. We, my sister and I, need to get on the stick and show up at the hospital. Via texts and calls we rearranged our schedules so that we could help out and Mom had some company while dealing with all of this.
And while my brother farms with dad, and needed to plant corn and so forth, he was able to spend a very long 6 hours on a Saturday while they waited their turn for surgery.
What else did I realize? People are kind and the Garden City community has a wonderful Benicasa - “The Good Home”. This is like a Ronald McDonald House, service for people staying with family members. If you find yourselves in a situation like this, be sure to take advantage of this service. Not only does is save on housing costs for an extended time period, but you also meet other people that are going through similar situations.
We’re thankful Dad made it home with his gut working and after he gains his strength back, he’ll start in on chemo. Last time he was able to take chemo pills, but this time it’ll be intravenous. But in true rural fashion, Mom’s FCE club ladies are volunteering to help with the driving. His tenacity has been a life lesson for me…he’s not willing to give up on life.
The final lesson for this past month, which I have often heard from many of my Extension coworkers from the SW, it’s a long distance out to Garden City from Lincoln. And it’s hard to drive that far when the wind about blows your vehicle off the road. I’m thankful to be one of the middle of Kansas residents and hope that it’ll rain one of these days.
As an aside, remember to use online resources available at www.caregiving.org or www.webmd.com for information on specific cancers or caregiving suggestions.
