Who Gets Grandma’s Yellow Pie Plate?
by Kathy Lupfer-Nielsen, Family and Consumer Sciences Agent
Ariel had been the family historian for four families that homesteaded in the Denmark, Kansas community during 1875 to 1890’s. Needless to say, there was LOTS of stuff to sort through and pass on to family members or community groups such as the church, museum or some of her teaching friends.
Money and titled property can be easily divided among heirs, but personal possessions are another story. You might not realize your son would like some of the kitchen items or a granddaughter might like some of Grandpa’s tools. Or your children might not want any of those “old items” as we found out in dealing with my brother- in-law…they weren’t sentimental and didn’t want Kansas items in their Florida home. But thankfully some of their children wanted Grandma Ariel’s family treasures.
I welcomed the various lists I found among her items and tried to consolidate the lists. One list of her thimble collection had been started in 1978 with the last list I located from 2006. This last list she had made room by room and so that was most helpful as I took pictures and emailed them around the country to see if her designated receiver really wanted it. If the nephews wanted old Nielsen family furniture then we saved it for them…if nobody wanted it, we sold items through a local auction house.
I will admit to saving some items for my own children that they didn’t want at the moment but will hopefully want when they are older…and if not I guess they will have to sell it when we’re gone or give it away.
Items that were a part of the county’s history, we gave to the local museum as well as to the Denmark Hall. Some items, like old Christmas decorations or empty coffee cans were taken to the landfill or recycle.
While I’m detailed oriented I didn’t realize how emotional I would get sorting through her life and their family history. I learned more about the Nielsen family…but much more about my mother-in-law and realized what an exceptional person she was…something I didn’t always realize as I was raising my children and dealing with her as a mother in law.
The estate money and land was dispersed as per her wishes. And I did the best I could with all the items. What I learned from this is, even though there may be several in the family, this work usually comes down to one or two people to see the job through. One person to decide and then of course, include others via email, phone or just in helping load and move items.
It’s helpful to have a list…so if you are sorting through your treasures, make a list. Better yet, have a person help you and tell some of the stories. Thankfully Ariel had been a good storyteller over the years, so I did know some of the stories.
But better yet, give some of your special family or personal items to your family members NOW, while you can tell them the stories and while you can see that the items are appreciated. Don’t wait give the children or grandchildren special items while you are here to enjoy that and also include the stories that make those items special.
Family items are what the glue in the family history that generations still need so they have a connection to where they came from…don’t just leave your family’s story to chance. Leave that list and share those items now while you can.
Minnesota Extension’s program, Who Gets Grandma’s Pie Plate can be located online http://www.extension.umn.edu/family/personal-finance/who-gets-grandmas-yellow-pie-plate/. This site also has some free articles as well as resources that can be purchased such as a workbook or DVD that your entire family can watch together, so everyone gets the same message.
We’ve all heard the saying; you really don’t know people until you’ve inherited something with them. Titled property is easy to divide but special memory pieces that several family members may want are difficult to divide. Another excellent article is here: http://www.aarp.org/relationships/family/info-09-2010/elder_mediation.2.html
